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About Granny
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‘Granny’ is a character that was created for our entertainment shows in the Wild Horse
Theater
at Heritage Fort Steele, BC, Canada. My husband, Tink Robinson and I wrote,
directed, produced and
performed our shows for 13 summer seasons and hired our professional cast from across North America.
I often use ‘Granny’ in my work to help people laugh at themselves. ‘Granny’ always speaks
the truth as she relates her barnyard wisdom and basic ‘metaphysicals’. She is totally
outrageous, funny and memorable. ‘Granny’ starts taking over any group as I put on her
‘recycled’ costume, black out a couple of teeth and finish the look with glasses, hat and
wig.
One summer season, the manager at the CIBC in Cranbrook, BC, Canada, asked
me, Tink
and our theater cast if we would interact with the bank staff and patrons during a lunch hour
on our day off and we agreed. Picture this … ‘Granny’ decided to direct the whole
proceedings. She went to the back of the bank, grabbed the loan manager by the hand,
hauled him out to the front and announced that he was giving out free loans that day. She
also greeted everyone that came in the door and introduced everybody to each other in the
very long lineup. Everyone was cheerful, laughing and visiting except for one man who was
not amused. He was about 6’ 5”, sturdily built, black rimmed glasses, square jaw and he
was clutching his briefcase like a man on a banking-only mission. Immediately in front of
him was a shy pencil-thin man with wire-rimmed glasses who came up to about the waist of
the tall one. ‘Granny’ worked her way up the line, stopped and introduced Mr. Tall to Mr.
Short and stayed and chatted with them for awhile. It wasn’t long before Mr. Tall was
smiling in spite of himself. The staff told us that it was the most fun they had ever had at
the bank.
There are some qualities of ‘Granny’ that are reminiscent of my own grandmother, Laura B.
Armstrong whom I called Mammy. She was a school teacher who used to ride horseback to
travel to the country school. Mammy also loved fishing and was always so proud of her
catch. One day, my uncle took Mammy fishing at one of the pristine lakes in beautiful
Banff, Alberta. Afterwards they took her for lunch at the famous Banff Springs Hotel. Mammy took
her fish with her into the lobby and proceeded to go around and show them to all the richly
dressed people there. That is exactly what ‘Granny’ would do. To her, “people is people and
jest nice folks deep inside, no matter how much some of them put on high
falootin’ airs”.
(alias,
'Granny')
Excerpts from Granny’s Tidbits and Whatnots
(Yer Basic Views of Livin’ and
Learnin’)
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When ya see the light at the end of the tunnel, jest hope it ain’t the train.
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Makin’ mistakes is jest like passin’ wind … everybody does it, even if they don’t admit
it.
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Life is like peelin’ onions. There’s bound to be a few tears, but look at all the good stuff
you can make with them.
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Strive to be the lead dog in the team – that way you get a change of scenery.
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If yer feelin’ down and out, lift up yer head and shout, “I’m down and out.”
Then git on with yer day.
AGING
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My body ain’t what it used to be. Even when I’m naked, I still want to slip into something
more comfortable!
BIFFYS
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If it’s a two-holer, make sure one ain’t above the other.
COMMUNICATIN’
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First, ya gotta like yerself. Listenin’ is easier than talkin’ and earns more respect.
DIET
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Enjoy it while you can.
EXERCISE
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By the time ya done yer washin’, beat the carpets, milked the cow and churned the butter,
who needs it?
HORSE SENSE (Confucius Granny)
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Don't plant yer navy beans in with yer broad beans.
Don’t interfere with something that ain’t botherin’ you none.
It’s better to be a has-been than a never-was.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
LAUGHING
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Life goes by quicker, if ya jest learn to snicker, and don’t git yer knickers in a knot.
LIFE CHANGES
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Every livin’ thing is changin’ moment by moment. What makes you think that you is
different?
PETS
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Yer pets are gonna love ya no matter how yer feeling, when yer laughin’ or when ya have
the trots … well in that case, they’ll probably love ya better from a distance.
POLITICS
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Politicians is jest like diapers. We gotta change them often 'cause they're full of the same
thing.
RELAXIN’
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Too many folks worries about where they’s been or where they’s goin’. You can only hear a
meadowlark by bein’ where you’s at.
RELIGION
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Churches are the only place ya have to pay to sing with people who are off key.
SPORTS
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Thoses ball players has nice buns.
STANDING UP FER YERSELF
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That’s what yer legs is for.
In Rooster language, it gives cock-a-doodle-do a whole new meaning.
STRESS
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Half the stuff we worries about, ain’t gonna happen anyways.
WEATHER
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It changes.
YER BASIC SEX
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The birds and the bees don’t have any problems, but us humans have to read books on How
To Do It. Sex is jest like plantin’ corn. You’ll never learn how until ya try it. Ya gotta plant
the seeds before ya ever get to the shuckin’. Then you find out that there’s a lot more work
to shuckin’ than you ever imagined!
Contact
Judy Armstrong
Judy Armstrong c/o T & J Productions
Content Copyright © 2009 Judy Armstrong All Rights Reserved
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